21 April 2017

"Have you tell him?"
I just answer her question with a fake smile
"Really? Hey, he is your boyfriend, he has to know what you feel. And actually It's not really hard to speak to your own boyfriend? Aren't you tired being like this? For God sake if you feel somethings wrong in your relationship just ask him."
"Well, actually, I already asked him last night."
"And...?"
"It's just me. It's just me who imagining everything, he's fine, totally fine. Well maybe it's just his character, and it's mean that I'm the one who should adapt."
"And so what makes you feel upset right now?"
"Well, he mad at me now... Cause I questioning things that he didn't feel at all, he's mad at me. He said, so there's something wrong in this relationship that makes me feel uncomfortable. He said...."
"And now you feel guilty? You think this is your fault and you shouldn't feel like that on the first time?"
Tears started running down my cheeks. I can't answer her anymore.
"Why you have to feel guilty when you actually do nothing wrong? You really good at speaking in public but why do you always lose when you meet someone close to you? "
"I should understand him better."
"Hey, sometimes, you don't need to look from the other side, you must care about your feeling more than you care about others. You really don't need to be this good to everyone. It's him who didn't try to understand you. You've try so hard. Isn't this his turn?"
"You know I can't be mad, I can't hardly tell him this is his fault."
"Why?"
"Cause It will hurt him, cause he will remember it, the words I use to talk to him it will lingering in his head and I won't it. I know it's really feel bad when someone mad at you, even if you're already make up, there will be something left there, something that already break your heart, even it's not torn it apart."
"If one day someone stole something from you and they told you why, will you understand them?"
"Maybe...."
"Stop being so kind to everyone."
"Not everyone, just people I care about.."
"Hey, just remember, somehow, if you don't put your self for your priorities, How can people will?"

20 Maret 2017

First Fight

"So what do I did wrong?" He asked.
She rolled her eyes "Really? are you really going to ask that kind of question?!" She whisper to her own self, she started to remember what happen with them, she remember how she left a sleep-message  to him just because she didn't want him to be worry if she didn't reply that night, but in the morning when she wake up, she didn't see any message from him, not even one, "It's okay, maybe he's too busy to read my message, I'm sure he gonna explain it when he reply." She wait and wait and she got his message, "Finally!" -Good morning babe, I'm sorry I didn't text you yesterday, I don't even open my phone. "That's it? really?". She remember the night before it's happen he already told her that his going to be busy and maybe he will reply her message late, she try to understand but she can't handle that. And now he ask her what did he do and she really have no words to answer his question. But suddenly her tears falling down through her cheeks... 
"I'm sorry."
"I know I shouldn't be like this, I know I should understand you better. I know... I'm sorry... Maybe I just miss you too much and It's make me mad cause I can't see you.. I'm sorry... I know I should be the one who would be there when you feel so tired, not the one who mad when you're tired. I'm really sorry... "


2 Maret 2017

"Do you still love him?" 

All of my old friend met me me and questioning this question. Well, actually I'm not so confused why do they keep asking me this kind of question. But I keep can't answering the question lately. 'till yesterday. I see him, I see how happy he is now, I see his girl now is the girl who I ain't be, I suddenly know he doesn't need me, I suddenly know I'm not the girl who he wants to be with. And it's wake me up, no more doubt, I still care about him, but I don't want to be with him, I just want him to be happy, and now he does. 

And Now, I have someone I want to be with , the one who can take me as I am, the one who need me, the one I really love and care about. I don't know how I fall in love with this man, but I know I do love him, much, so much, I like the way he treat me, I like the way he calm me down when I got mad, I Like how he say sorry even when he didn't make any mistakes. I love him in every way he did, maybe sometimes I ask for something more, but somehow I know I already have more than anything I ever need.

So if they ask again "Do you still love Him?", I will be proudly and answer "No, I Love Him"