25 Juni 2016

Final Descision

            She press the plus button on her headphone ‘till reaching the maximum volume, Voltures-John Mayer, suddenly she’s smiling, she remember someone, someone who love this song much. Then she realise this guy hasn’t replying her messages, she opened their chatroom and she’s wondering what is the next topic this guy will choose, cause their chat actually never ending, last time it’s 3 weeks non-stop-chat. But somehow she knows, sooner or later their chat will be end soon. She  take a deep breathe and the smile before is already fade away. “Well, I gotta let go.” She’s whispering to her own self.
 “ I have an exam tomorrow so I need to forget this stupid love shit and focus on studying. ”
She open her book and read all the words there carefully. But, then she stop. Her thought fly trought something. She can feel that her eyes already wet, she take another deep breathe, deep heavy breathe. She’s wondering about a year ago, this guy was nothing to her, just her ex. That’s it. Well, now it’s kinda hard and hurt to explain. If She had to write a book, she’ll write about him, how he come and gone how he being so important and being no one in her live. Yeah, that’s what he done. She know him almost for my whole life time, elementary school, 4th grade, She's too young to falling in love, but She knows She does.
For the very second baby I already know, I’ll end up head over heel in love with you.. Turns out I’m right. kryptonite- Guy Sebastian suddenly played . She close her eyes and think, “is he love me?”. Now she know, how does it feel when brain lossing it’s function because heart started to work. When people said ‘leave’ but heart still ignoring it. He’s coming back a year ago, telling her that she actually never leave his mind, even only with a word, she believe it. She’s seeing something in his words, that’s not a pretty word he choose, but it’s feels like she know that he’s sincere. So they meet a couple times before the distance take them apart, This boy is leaving the hometown due to schoolarship he got. At first, She doesn’t care about distance, but somehoe something suddenly killing her, not the distance, Timing.
The timing is really not for her. She’s close to some-other-man with different character, in fact, the on she love is just this one. because of that damn timing, she took a wrong step and left him, the one she’s really love. But deep down Inside, everynight after that wrong step she’s really regreting her step. “I Should’ve wait longer, I took a wrong step.”
She finally realize, it’s not something about always be with him, but let him be happy with or without her is the goal of falling in love. But he never answer the question about his happiness, he always said that he shouldn’t have to tell her cause she is already know, but she don’t know. And it’s killing her.
So finally she’s walk away. She’s hoping for his happiness. All she know is, if he’s not happy, he’ll come to her, but he need to tell her, that he’s not happy.