2 Desember 2016

I miss you.
A lot.

People may see me so fine,
But I don’t.

I miss you.
Everytime I close my eyes,
Someone pop out of my mind,
It’s you.

I started picturing you in my mind.
“I miss you”
I don’t know why but that words keep coming out my mouth
with all this tears falling down through my cheeks
Over and over again

All the simple thing around me remind me of you.
And It’s hurt.

It’s hurt to know the fact.
When the fact is you really leave.
You left me with no choice, no trace,
And no clue.

I don’t know what to do.
I just keep missing you over and over.
My logic won’t help my anymore.

People keep saying  "let go",
But I know if they were me,
They won’t.

I miss you. 

30 November 2016

I'm looking at his brown small eyes when he pull me close to him, he hold me.
And I hold my breathe.
And then I'm holding him back.
And I smile, I don't know why, but I'm smiling.

I can feel his warm heart.
And I started to crying.
It's feels like something inside me saying
"Please, stay, and never let go."

He's not going anywhere, He told me he will stay.
but at the day when the sun didn't shine,
when the rain begin to fall,
I was all alone.

I know times flies, and things changes
But I still believe what meant to be always find a way.

24 November 2016

She get out of his car with tears in her eyes, she wipe it over and over but her tear never stop falling. 
"What would I do now?" She wonder why she ask him to drop her at her campus when she actually know all her friends are home. She doesn't stop walking, but she don't know where to go. She push some number on her phone and call it. 

Tears can't stop falling through her face all the way home, she felt empty. She have no Idea what will happen to her life. After all the fight she has been through, she never been this blind. "I wish I could change my self. I wish I could be the best." She's hurt, so deep.

She get in to her room And continue crying. All by her self. She call all her friend but no one answer. Her brain is burning just simply because She's too fall in love

23 Oktober 2016

The reason why I like him

Summer 2016

“I can’t be like this.”
“Why? You didn't do anything wrong.”
“Cause I can’t, cause you guys still blame me.”
“Hey, move on, it’s not he didn’t like you, but he like you much, so much, but you don’t like him, so he move.”
“But…”
“Are you in love?”
“ I just….”
“Seriously, what a great deal about that boy…You don’t even know him much”


I can’t answer her anymore, I get in to my own room, leaving her and our un-end-ed conversation. I turn off the light and lay on my bed. “She’s right… I don't know much about him… I just met him twice, but that’s tells me enought that he is a warm-hearted man. I can feel it. Maybe people think he’s not my type, but I know he actually does. I can see that he raised in such a really good family, filled with kindness and Love, then build him into such a great character. His character is actually the character I always wish to be the main character in my story. I like him much. I don’t know why but I do. I love the way he talk to me , I love the way he look in to my eyes, I’m too shy to stare at him while he’s staring at me, but I always do when he’s not. He hasn’t touch me, but I know his hug will be the warmest hug I ever know. There’s something about him. I never felt this way before, feeling so sure about someone just by met him twice. ”

29 Agustus 2016

Hardest Goodbye

*A Year ago*
"Do you really have to go now?" He stare at her with a broken smile.
She hold her smile, take his hand said "You know it's already late."
"Will we meet tomorrow?"
"My day is all yours, Okay? I gotta go now. See you."

She left with a smile on her cheeks, she's really hurt when she look in to his eyes, but she really has to go, even if it's the hardest goodbye she ever known. 

Yeah, she believe that was the hardest goodbye can happen to her. 

Until today...

"I gotta go now." She smile to him and packed her things
"Okay, see you soon." He stare at her and reply her smile, watching her open up the door and leaving him, just like that. 
She walk slowly to her home, hoping the boy she left behind will call her name, but he don't. 
So she get in to her room, sitting there in the corner and whispering to her self, "So this is it? Hardest goodbye? It's not about how I couldn't let you go,But 'bout how I let you go so easily, as if there's nothing between us. Why do we really need to act as if we're just friend? You know we never be friends. "

3 Agustus 2016

Man of my dream

The man of my dream is the man who I love the most, and love me the most
His smile is my sunlight, He might not that charming, but his the best for me.
The love we build since we’re child is always getting bigger everytime I looked to his eye.
He hold my hand tight, take his breathe and smile, the brightest smile I ever see.

The first time I met him, I know he love me, he stare at me all day with that pretty eye, my favorite brown eyes. But I don’t care, I don’t like him, I have no reason to like him.

The man of my dream is the one who wear shirt and shoes at our first date, and tell me he want to see me without those make up. 
So we set up another date, an unusual date, we do sport, Tshirt and shorts ,a single ponytail, and without make up, 
but he tell me, ‘you always be better off this way’ with those lovely smile.

I love him, in everyway he did I love him, 
he ever did disappoint me, once, twice but I don’t care, cause I did too. 
I make a stupid mistakes, not once , even when I know that I was wrong, I did it again, I let him down, but he’s not give up on me.

He really is the man of my dream, the man who I really want to reach, the man who has anything and everything I need. The man who should stand right beside me through thick and thin, better or worse.

And now I opened my eyes, I see a man with a smile, hugging me gently and saying “good morning, darling.” And I smile too. But then I realize his not the man of my dream.


Because the man of my dream, disappear when I wake up.

25 Juni 2016

Final Descision

            She press the plus button on her headphone ‘till reaching the maximum volume, Voltures-John Mayer, suddenly she’s smiling, she remember someone, someone who love this song much. Then she realise this guy hasn’t replying her messages, she opened their chatroom and she’s wondering what is the next topic this guy will choose, cause their chat actually never ending, last time it’s 3 weeks non-stop-chat. But somehow she knows, sooner or later their chat will be end soon. She  take a deep breathe and the smile before is already fade away. “Well, I gotta let go.” She’s whispering to her own self.
 “ I have an exam tomorrow so I need to forget this stupid love shit and focus on studying. ”
She open her book and read all the words there carefully. But, then she stop. Her thought fly trought something. She can feel that her eyes already wet, she take another deep breathe, deep heavy breathe. She’s wondering about a year ago, this guy was nothing to her, just her ex. That’s it. Well, now it’s kinda hard and hurt to explain. If She had to write a book, she’ll write about him, how he come and gone how he being so important and being no one in her live. Yeah, that’s what he done. She know him almost for my whole life time, elementary school, 4th grade, She's too young to falling in love, but She knows She does.
For the very second baby I already know, I’ll end up head over heel in love with you.. Turns out I’m right. kryptonite- Guy Sebastian suddenly played . She close her eyes and think, “is he love me?”. Now she know, how does it feel when brain lossing it’s function because heart started to work. When people said ‘leave’ but heart still ignoring it. He’s coming back a year ago, telling her that she actually never leave his mind, even only with a word, she believe it. She’s seeing something in his words, that’s not a pretty word he choose, but it’s feels like she know that he’s sincere. So they meet a couple times before the distance take them apart, This boy is leaving the hometown due to schoolarship he got. At first, She doesn’t care about distance, but somehoe something suddenly killing her, not the distance, Timing.
The timing is really not for her. She’s close to some-other-man with different character, in fact, the on she love is just this one. because of that damn timing, she took a wrong step and left him, the one she’s really love. But deep down Inside, everynight after that wrong step she’s really regreting her step. “I Should’ve wait longer, I took a wrong step.”
She finally realize, it’s not something about always be with him, but let him be happy with or without her is the goal of falling in love. But he never answer the question about his happiness, he always said that he shouldn’t have to tell her cause she is already know, but she don’t know. And it’s killing her.
So finally she’s walk away. She’s hoping for his happiness. All she know is, if he’s not happy, he’ll come to her, but he need to tell her, that he’s not happy.

14 Mei 2016

Deep Inside

"What's on your mind?"
"I don't know, I miss him much."
"Him?"
"Him," a teardrop finally wet her fair skin. "He's the one who told me what love is."
"So where is now, If he really love you, he should be here right Now."
She bite her lip, controls her breathe, hold her tear and said, "He is happy Now."
"You have to win him back."
"And ruin his life?"
"..."
" I told you, he taught me what love is, watching his happiness now is make me feel better of this way. And also If he really is the one, we're gonna meet again eventually."
"Are you sure he's happy now?"
"..."
"I know, deep down inside your heart you know he's not that happy, I know, deep down inside you want to get close to him once again, I know deep inside you feel like you both are really mean to be each other. So, Go on, Fight for him, And get him."
"Why? I Though you want me to move on, and be with you?"
"Cause you tell me, Deep Inside, I just want you to be happy."

19 April 2016

Have you ever felt that? Home. I thought home was a place, or a situation. But now I just get it. Home can be everything, a place, a situation, a group and even a person. Home is something you'll never forget. Even if you don't feel like you miss it, but actually, you do. 
And when you feel home, it seems like you can't find something better than your home.
Even if your home already have something much better than you.

7 April 2016

MOVE ON?

"Move on itu artinya lanjutkan, ya tinggal kalian mau pilih lanjutin perasaannya atau hidupnya? Atau kalian mau Move Away, yang berarti pergi dan menjauh. Hidup ini kalian yang nentuin."

"Butuh sedikit rasa benci untuk move on dari seseorang"

"Tapi kadang, kangen itu pasti ada tapi kita yang nentuin, rasa kangen itu sama orangnya atau memorinya."

"Rasa sayang itu ga bisa di cegah, move on juga ga bisa di paksa, yang penting itu iklash!"

"Liat doi Bahagia itu, rasanya lega aja, berarti dia lepasin aku ga sia-sia. Tapi kalo dia sampe cari aku lagi, itu yang bikin aku ga bisa move on?"

"Gimana aku bisa suka sama orang lain kalo aku masih terus-terusan di bayangin sm dia?"

Human.

Human Love Before Hurt

Human Fight Before Give Up

Human Stay Before Leave

Human Fall Before Standstill

Human waits but not forever.

If you want people to stay,
Don't Leave
If you want people to Love,
Don't Hurt
If you want people to never give up,
Fight.
People need to start with their self before asking for someone else.
But that's what Human done, Never statisfied . 

8 Januari 2016

My Dear Birthday

Birthday is a happy day
You'll wait that day for a reason, A gift, A cake, A surprise party, or A person.

Last year, the thing I want for my birthday is A gift and A cake, I wondered what special thing about birthday. It's just a day when everyone cheers for you. 
Till this year I figured out something.
Well, couples month before my birthday I was so damn stressed, I don't want that day come so fast, I'm afraid that no one will remember my birthday, I'm afraid that the day wouldn't be pretty like it was before. 
Then D-Day is come. I'm excited and afraid at the same time, I woke up then check my phone and see a couple birthday words from some closest friend. 
Now, I realize something.
Yes, birthday is a bridge, for you to re-build your relationship with some people. And I also realize, this year, what I wait for my birthday is 'someone'. It wasn't about boy, but people who care for me. 
Well, I got a nice birthday, I got a quality time with my family which is I really once in a blue moon since everyone go to collage. From my best friend? I LOVE THEM VERY MUCH , they give me a special birthday party. Well, this year, I only get a cake and a present, but it's okay, I just get the meaning of the real birthday is. 
Birthday is a birth of relationship you'll never forget