23 Juli 2017

She may look pretty but she's broken inside
You see the smile she always give to you?
It's a fake one
And if the fake one can charms you that much,
Can you imagine her real one?

You know she used to have it,
And put it everywhere she go
She do not care who she met,
Even her enemy, she just put it on

She's so kind, too kind
And everyone can see it
She believe, everyone will be the same as she is
But she just did not see it

Those kindness make her too easy to be hurt,
And she is.
That's why she's become who she is right now

22 Juli 2017

#halalkanatautinggalkan (?)

REALLY?
HAHAHA
I MEAN IT BUT I DON'T MEAN IT
Here I told you, This post is really-really an un-pointed post
It's a total HAHA post!! 

18 Juli 2017

Sometimes people just don't get it
Total chaos is not always as big as it sounds
It could be a little thing
A little small thing that might no one see
but it can affect you little by little
It torn you as slow as the wind blows
and no one think it can ripped you all over
like this way

Sometimes you don't even realise when it started
You just go on with your life,
You think you're strong enough to handle all of your problem
You believe you always do the best for the sake of your own self

But suddenly you feel yourself changing
You suddenly see how the old you step ahead of all those trouble
and how your self now just put your problem in a big circle of your life
You cover it so no one could see it
And they said "You've been through a lot, I wish I could be strong as you"

It's the total chaos.
It's change you in a total move.
Are you stop believe in sun when the star are shining?

13 Juli 2017

Goodbye

Where's the good in goodbye?
You sing it out loud, You say you hate good bye, so you didn't say it.
And you're leaving, just like that.
So is it good?

It's good, for you, the one who leaving,
If one day you want to come back you just simply say
"OMG, There's no way I'm gonna leave you."
But for them who left,
Every night , Every single night since the day you left they wonder,
"Are you really leaving?" or
"may be (s)he will be back again someday?" or even worse
They don't accept it, they don't believe it, they put too much trust in you.
They believe you'll never hurt them.

Do you like it?
You save your self but you destroying anyone else
Do you feel better?

10 Juli 2017

It's a mental breakdown
It's funny, how an un-important priceless boy has completely ruin your life
This time, It's really ruined. You can't think , you can't breathe.
It's not caused by he is so much important to you,
but he make you feel like you always be nothing to anyone
Someone like him,
who force you to take away your insecurity
As if he will always be there for you
Who force you to believe, once again
Into him

You'll be cursing your own self about how stupid you are
About how can you break your self this easy
But you're to tired to scream
Even the mirror is no longer be your bestfriend

Everything in your life is truly full of shit
You started to hate him and everyone around you
Even your own self

Seems like "I'm done with everything"

5 Juli 2017

I need some space
To breathe
To think
To believe
To start it all over again

I'm no longer who I always be
I'm changing
But I don't know
I don't know if it to be better or worse

I want to step in
I want this over immediately 
I need some space
So I can Live

21 Juni 2017

MOVE ON?

Before you read this post let me tell you this actually my old post
Well, I never post this but I write this around a year and a half before now,
Just want to inform you that so that no one will judge that I couldn't move through my lastest breakup. 


20 Juni 2017

First Date

Well, Inspirited by my friend who are really nervous to go to her first date, I started to remember all my first date, how is it happen, how I stress I was, how I dress & make up.

Right before your first date, you will feel it,   stressed out.
Maybe, I already had a bunch of first date(LOL, I'm not so proud of this), and everytime I had my first date, I always nervous. I don't know what to wear, I don't know how to act, I don't know what to talk about, technically,  I'm not really a nice, humble or warm person in my first date.
One of my ex told me that the first time he met me (our first date) I'm not even a close to my real self. "Oh my god, I almost give up on you that time" He said so cause I almost didn't speak a word.
But, One of others , He can make me so comfortable, humble, talkactive, basicly, I just being so my self around him, maybe because It's not our first met, but our first date after a longlong time never met and talk.
First date is always be something, you may forget someone, but the butterfly at your firstdate, you will never forget it.

And, What I want to talk about here is, some tips on your first date. I'm not an expert, I just share what I know and what I thought about those first date.

So, get ready to hear what I thought you should do and don't in your first date :

16 Juni 2017

I Drugstore Make up Haul



Berawal dari liburan tidak panjang (mengingat jadwal kuliah yang hampir no libur sepanjang puasa) beberapa waktu lalu aku menghabiskan waktu aku untuk browsing through the web : www.youtube.com yang pastinya udah nggak asing lagi buat siapapun. 
Lalu, apa yang akan dicari seorang gadis umur 20 tahun di youtube? 
Ya nggak lain dan nggak bukan, she'll watching 'bout 'The other girl'
Jadi, channel yang aku buka tentunya nggak jauh-jauh dari make up & make up
And so, I can't handle it, right after all those pretty youtuber reviewing a make up, it's enough to convinced me to buy those make up!(It's really bad for my wallet😥)
But it's okay!
That's why di dunia ini ada yang namanya make up drugstore
a.k.a make up make up dengan harga yang lumayan tergangkau.
So here we are, we'll talking about some new make up I get in this week 
Hope you enjoy it, XOXO


14 Juni 2017

Berat Sebelah

<>

"Hm. Semoga kamu bahagia ya Ra."
"Kalo kamu nganggep, aku mutusin kamu, ninggalin kamu dan semudah itu cari yang lain, kamu sala ka." Keyra berhenti berbicara, nafasnya tercegat, meskipun Saka tidak melihat wajah Keyra saat ini, ia tahu sudah ada air mata yang menetes dari mata keyra. Setelah diam beberapa detik ditelfon itu Keyra melanjutkan kalimatnya, "kamu kira aku seneng? ngerasain kekosongan sendirian? Menolak semua orang yang berusaha nemenin aku? Mungkin aku beralibi aku udah capek sama semuanya, tapi sebenernya aku cuma nungguin kamu." Nada bicara Keyra sudah berubah, sudah tidak menyedihkan lagi, kini suaranya tegas, serbesik nada amarah muncul caranya berbicara. Saka tau ini benar-benar bukan saat yang tepat untuk memotong pembicaraan Keyra, bahkan ia tau ia tidak perlu menanggapi untuk sekedar memberi tahu bahwa ia menyimak. Keyra memperbaiki posisi duduknya. 
"Tapi, aku nggak bisa nunggu selamanya kan? Dan, semakin lama aku menunggu, semakin aku merasa kalo hubungan kita selalu berat sebelah..."
"Maksudnya?" Kini Saka terpancing, ia tidak menyukai arah pembicaraan Keyra
"Aku nggak bohong soal perasaan aku. Aku sayang banget sama kamu. Oleh karena itu juga aku ngelakuin semua yang pernah aku lakuin ke kamu. Aku berusaha sebaik mungkin, sekeras mungkin, bahkan aku bertahan saat hal tersebut cuma nyiksa aku. Aku nyiksa diri aku bahkan saat setelah kita putus, aku belabelain kamu di depan temen-temen aku saat mereka nganggep kamu yang nggak nganggep aku. Sedangkan kamu berteguh pendirian dengan keputusan, bahwa kamu emang bener, dan kamu nggak melalukan kesalahan."
"Aku emang sedih banget Ka pisah sama kamu, kalo bisa aku juga mau sama-sama kamu lagi. Tapi aku nggak bisa kembali ke keadaan itu. Saat aku udah sadar kalo hubungan itu berat sebelah." Keyra menghembuskan nafas lega, akhirnya ia bisa menyampaikan semua yang ada di otaknya beberapa bulan terakhir. Ia tahu Saka pasti dalam keadaan shock saat ini, tidak tau harus berkomentar apa. 
"Kalo kamu nanya, aku sayang ato nggak sama kamu, jawaban aku nggak berubah kok Ka, Sayang banget." Keyra kembali menambahkan kalimatnya. 

Keyra tersenyum walaupun ia tahu Saka tidak melihatnya, memandangi langit-langit kamarnya, "Aku cuma butuh orang yang bisa menyeimbangkan rasa sayang aku ko Ka, dan aku nggak pernah kasih batasan orang itu siapa, bisa aja kamu atau orang lain. Yang jelas, aku nggak akan ngebiarin semuanya kembali berat sebelah."

10 Juni 2017

Mirror

I wondering who actually he is. First time I know him, there's something bout him that I can't explain.   I feel something strong and strange. Then we start being close... I like him. So much. As I told you before I love everyway he did to me. His eyes, smiles, laugh and everything. But turns out as you love someone, you becoming your true self by time. He started to be cold... I don't know... it never felt so pretty as before anymore. I'm hurting, little by little, it's started to torn me apart.
I tell my friend about everything happen, they all blame him cause they thing he changes for no reason. But I know he didn't. Some how I see he just showing his true colour, he just becoming who he really are. I see my self in him, I ever be like that once, and I know I won't he hurted like I did before.

He's like my mirror, he helps me to understand my self better. But I'm destroying my own self to understand him. He's just too much like me.

Inside, I'm just a weak person.
And he is... so much weaker than I am.
He's too soft, too sensitive,
He's too fearful.
He told me that he's afraid, And I calm him down.
But he don't know, That I did too.
I can't tell him, It's just make him weaker,
I had to stay strong, and fight for my own,
While I keep fighting for him instead.

8 Juni 2017

It's just me or everyone can see this world is changing?
Just like the year, one end and one begin,
Life Cycle should work in the same way too.

Well, that's what I believe before

Till I got it now,
there's some phase where it's not just end and begin just like that
There's some phase when everything stop, to think.
So those end and begin will work in the way it should be.

I hate when some good things ended (well I believe everyone do so)
But it's not always pretty when it's start.
Life isn't always rainbow and butterfly they said
There's always a rain before rainbow
But there's always an art in heartache
There always an If of a Life

Stop & stare

they keep telling me the same shit.
"If he love you, he'd try."
And I keep telling my self the same shit. 
"What if I'm the one who didn't try?"
They said, "you've try enough. may be there's no one can fight the way you do."
But my eyes are blind, my ears are deaf I don't care what they said. 
I still feel what I feel, I still cry everynite, all alone, when no one know. 
I don't know why it never stop falling down. 
I miss you 
That's all I do
My head is spinning arround, 
My heart started to slowing down
I feel my cheeks are always wet 
I suddenly stop 
And stare
And listen 
And care
I love you 
And it's all matter. 

7 Juni 2017

timeless


I'm the one who wants to be with you
Deep inside I hope you feel it too (Feel it too)
Waited on a line of greens and blues (I've waited on a line)
Just to be the next to be with you

She move her head through the rhythm of the song, with her favourite chocolate biscuit in her right hand, and her macbook on her tight. He started to appear in her head, "Really?" she started bothered with her own thought. She start to open her mac and start the safari browser, typing the website she want to go through, 'www.blogger.com' , her profile appeared, 'New entry'

She stare at those blank page, she miss him. "I thought you already over him?" she take a deep breathe "Oh.. I wish.." Those conversation only happen in her head, she's alone in her room. All by her self. She take her phone which not too far away from her, and check it. 
Three line of new messages, Him, Him, and Him. She know, there's no way he gonna text her, but she still wishing on it, She don't know why but she does. She remember their last time, sad, beautiful, tragic. 

She remember those night, those ruined night. She cry all night long. Is this the best? 
She's staring at the clock on the wall, it's not ticking, She take the battery out of it. She remember that night, when she told him she wants the clock stop ticking, He just don't get it, she actually just want to forgot the time. She's too happy, being with him, is the best moment she ever had. 

It's been a month. And she still can't figure it out. 
It's been a month. And she still crying over the same thing. 
She believe life must go on. 
She believe in happily ever after.
But she just so tired. 
So damn tired.

2 Juni 2017

13 Reason Why

Recently, dunia sosmed di ramaikan tentang satu seasonal drama, yang baru keluar 1 season dengan 13 episode which known as "13 reason why" 


Jadi 1 3 reason why ini adalah suatu drama serial yang di siarkan di netflix, dengan tokoh utama wanita Hannah Baker, gadis usia 17 tahun yang memutuskan untuk mengakhiri hidupnya dengan cara bunuh diri dengan 13 alasan yang akan di jelaskan satu persatu di tiap episodenya.
Clay, tokoh utama pria pada cerita ini mendapatkan tape rekaman dari Hannah,
And the heart breaking moment adalah hannah dan clay sebenarnya saling jatuh cinta.

Nah ini ada beberapa respon dari Teenagers tentang cerita 13 reason why.
Seperti apa yang mereka katakan, ada adegan yang mengganggu pada drama ini, yaitu adegan dimana Hannah bunuh diri, adegan tersebut di tampilkan secara men detail.
Kemungkinan besar adegan itu di tampilin dengan alasan 'Bunuh diri itu menyeramkan' tapi for some people akan menganggap adegan itu ngga seharusnya di tampilkan karena bisa menjadi contoh.

And here is 13 lessons learned From 13 reasons Why

1 Juni 2017


Happiness is inside you

27 Mei 2017

It's not a heartache
It's just a post trauma
You just think you have it,
But you don't
So you can't over it.

Thank you for letting me understand
Through all the darkest days I always had lately
Thank you for bringing back the light 
I was the one who turn off the light,
And you're the reason why
But You're the one who give me the flashlight

26 Mei 2017

I hate when my self start to hating someone
It hurts me.
Hatred
I'm afraid.

21 Mei 2017

Skripsweet/Skripshit

H E L L O!!!!
I'm so tired of this things!
I feel like I'm kinda tired of my life
I know, this feeling is so sucks
I shouldn't feel this way. 

The thing is...
I really loss my faith
I don't want to be a doctor, 
I don't know what will I do If I be a doctor
You know, I just get it now,
I just get it why they keep screaming don't do what you don't want to do
This is killing me

But I can't quit
May be I'm not close to the exit door, but the entrance door is closed, 
No turning back, I just gonna keep walking in the same path.

I get in to that point right now
The point that always make collage student feel doom
Skripsweet/Skripshit/Thesis
Whatever it called.
I'm not ready. Really not ready.

18 Mei 2017

I miss you...
She write those words in a piece of paper
She got nothing on her mind
Her un-peaceful mind
But she just keep writing it over and over again
She letting him go
She don't know why
She always want him to stay.
She don't know where to go
or even what to do.
She just sit there and staring.
She staring to her past, her mistake.
She has one serious problem
She blame her self for everything happen
She cry, every night.
She think of him
She want to move on or move away
but none of that happen
And he don't care.

15 Mei 2017

Well, Let me tell you about something happens in my life. 
Let me tell you about a girl, she used to be one of topics in my blog.
I really don't know what to said
I think...
I'm just amazed with this girl

I used to hate her, Really hate her. 
I hate her because she is my (ex)Boyfriend's ex
Well, I guess I have no point about that (anymore)

I used to always read what she wrote,
All the things about that boy. 
Then today, I just read it again.
And I really like the way she see it, 
I really like the way she see what is love 

I don't know what to say, 
But I just want to be friend with her
Cause I know she is a good girl

The girl who can see it the way no body can see it. 

P.s: Maybe one day you will see this, I really don't know why I want to write this, but really girl, You're amazing!

13 Mei 2017

Tentang Kamu

Aku tidak akan menangis karena sesuatu telah berakhir, tapi aku akan tersenyum karena sesuatu itu pernah terjadi
-Sri Ningsih-



Mungkin kalimat itu adalah kalimat yang paling mudah di ingat dan berarti dari buku ini. Buku ini menceritakan tentang seseorang dengan karakter yang sangat ajaib. menunjukan tentang adanya kekuatan akan kesederhanaan. Menggambarkan sebuah pemikiran yang kompleks dengan gambaran yang sangat sederhana.

Zaman Zulkarnaen, tokoh utama dalam novel, seorang pegawai firma hukum Thomson &Co.. Aku bukan orang dengan latar belakang dunia hukum, kenyataannya aku tidak pernah mengerti tentang dunia Hukum, tapi novel ini menggambarkan keadaan dengan jelas dan membuat pembaca sangat mendalami dan seolah mengerti konflik yang terjadi. In simple word aku yang tadinya nggak tau kerjaan pengacara, apa itu firma hukum dan apa yang mereka lakuin mendadak seolah-olah mengerti dan bisa bisanya terpancing emosi dalam mbaca buku ini.

Novel ini menceritakan tentang tokoh yang telah meninggal dunia, Sri Ningsih, ia lah pemilik karakter yang bersahaja, karakternya akan membuat semua orang berdecak kagum. Entah bagaimana novel ini bisa menjadikan orang yang tidak ada (sudah meninggal) menjadi suatu center focus pada novel ini.

Alur yang di pilih adalah alur maju mundur, Zaman mencari tahu tentang kehidupan Sri ningsih yang telah meninggal dengan modal pengetahuan tempat Sri meninggal, yaitu Panti Jompo di dekat menara Eifel. Tidak hanya menyusul ke paris, Zaman juga mengejar masalalu Sri hingga negeri asal mereka (Sri dan Zaman berasal dari negara yang sama) Indonesia.

One day

"Whatever Happens Tomorrow, We've had Today"

IMDB : 7,9/10
Rotten Tomatoes  : -

"I wish for one day to be with her" Kurang lebih itu kalimat yang di katakan oleh denchai(tapi dalam bahasa thailand) saat ia membunyikan bel yang dikatakan orang dapat mewujudkan harapan. Denchai adalah seorang pegawai bagian IT di kantornya, yang menyebut dirinya 'Invisible man'. Ia merasa ia tidak pernah memiliki seorangpun yang dapat menghargainya atau mencintainya dengan dirinya. Hingga ia bertemu dengan Nui, seorang gadis cantik dengan penuh keceriaan dan semangat, bersikap baik pada seluruh orang disekitarnya termasuk denchai. 

Dalam hitungan hari Denchai langsung berubah menjadi penggemar terberat Nui. Dengan dirinya yang merupakan orang dibelakang layar atau invisible man, Tentunya Denchai tidak dapat dengan leluasa menunjukan rasa cintanya kepada Nui. Dan Nui diketahui memiliki hubungan spesial dengan bos mereka yang tampan dan romantis, tentunya hal ini merusak kepercayaan diri denchai.
Hingga saat setelah denchai membunyikan lonceng tersebut. Keajaiban terjadi, Nui dan Denchai menjalani hari yang indah. 

Film ini di recommendasikan oleh orang yang mengaku 'stranger' dalam hidup aku, who make me think this movie is about someone 'one day' mungkin bisa sama orang yang dia udah lama kagumi. Ternyata makna one day di film ini adalah satu hari, bukan suatu hari. Get it?!

Meskipun ceritanya terkesan picisan, tapi film dengan genre drama ini punya beberapa kejutan yang menyenangkan dan membuat kesal. Ending dari film ini juga nggak terkesan picisan, menyebalkan tapi nggak ketebak. 
This movie nggak wajib nonton tapi recommend to watch lah, My rate : 3,89 / 5 lah 

10 Mei 2017

Society Judgement

Orang-orang sering sekali menyatakan tentang hal-hal yang mereka sering sebut 'jaga image', dimana mereka bakal melakukan hal-hal yang menurut mereka tidak memalukan dan tidak akan menimbulkan society judge, bahkan ada beberapa orang yang sering melakukan sesuatu yang disebut pencitraan demi menjaga image mereka ini. Tapi, apa yang sebenernya di maksud dengan image itu sendiri? Secara Harafiah, image artinya adalah 'gambar',  nah image yang kali ini dibahas adalah gambaran penilaian dunia terhadap seseorang.

In real life, society label you, whoever you are, whatever you do. Basic Bitch, Stupid Whore, Playboy, weird, nerd, dump-ass, most of them is the bad-shit about you. As I told you, society judge.
Tapi apa hal-hal yang mendasari semua label tersebut? Banyak hal. Mulai dari latar belakang keluarga, latar belakang pertemanan, love life, cara jalan, cara ngomong, cara berpakaian, everylittle thing in you life will bring you on a judgement

Berdasarkan pertemanan bakal , orang yang nggak punya temen bakal di anggap ansos, cupu, culun, kuper, udik dan banyak hal buruk lainnya. Sedangkan orang yang punya banyak temen disana-sini dianggap sosialita, caper dan nggak setia kawan. Dan jika kita punya temen yang itu-itu aja, sebut aja sebuah grup/ geng/ gerombolan yang nggak berniat mecah dan bergabung dengan yang lain akan menyebabkan kita disebut picky friend. Isn't it hurt we can't do anything without receiving any bad judgement? Faktanya adalah dalam suatu lingkup orang bisa cenderung menjadi penyendiri karena mereka tidak menemukan teman yang benar-benar mengerti kondisinya, lalu saat ia sudah menemukan temannya ia bakal terus-terus bersama dengan temannya karena itu adalah comfort zone yang telah ia temukan, dan apakah saat kira udah bertemu comfort zone kita, kita nggak boleh berusaha menexpand zona itu? Well, that's the point, right or wrong is only based on what point of view are we gonna take. None of people is totally wrong, or totally right.

8 Mei 2017

The Butterfly effect

The butterfly effect adalah istilah dari 'chaos teory' yang menyatakan bahwa kepakan sayap kupu-kupu di hutan belantara Brazil secara teoritis dapat menyebabkan tornado di Texas beberapa bulan kemudian. Lalu apa hubungannya kepakan sayap kupu-kupu yang sangat kecil tersebut dengan tornado? 

Well, kalo mau dibahas secara teoritis pembahasannya adalah menyebabkan perubahan-perubahan sangat kecil dalam atmosfir bumi yang akhirnya mengubah jalur angin ribut (tornado) atau menunda, mempercepat bahkan mencegah terjadinya tornado di tempat lain. Kepakan sayap ini merujuk kepada perubahan kecil dari kondisi awal suatu sistem, yang mengakibatkan rantaian peristiwa menuju kepada perubahan skala besar (bandingkan: "efek domino" atau domino effect). Jikalau kupu-kupu itu tidak mengepakkan sayapnya, trayektori sistem tersebut akan berbeda jauh.


So let's start my story, the story begin when someone told me to watch a movie, and the tittle is 'The butterfly effect'. First impression dari judulnya adalah "pasti berat deh filmnya" karena pada kehidupan nyata the butterfly effect terdengar seperti suatu teori yang berat (cause I have a small brain perhaps, LOL)  . Film ini keluaran 2004 dapet rating 7.7/10 di IMDB dan my rating 8.5/10 lah. Nggak bermaksud jadi pengomentar film tapi seenggaknya bagi aku film ini recommended to watch lah, suka sama jalan ceritanya karena aku juga tertarik dengan masalah kejiwaan. 



Yang diceritakan di film ini adalah seorang anak bernama Evan yang pada masa kecilnya sering mengalami 'Black out' (Kehilangan kesadaran, suatu keadaan dimana seseorang seperti mendadak bangun dan lupa beberapa saat terakhir yang baru di lakukannya). Evan merupakan keturunan seseorang yang menderita scizoprenia (gangguan jiwa), namun ia didiagnosis tidak menderita penyakit tersebut. Saat Evan sudah beranjak dewasa, kenangan saat ia masih kecil kembali menghantuinya, dan ntah bagaimana Evan dapat menjelajahi waktu dan kembali ke masa dimana ia mengalami black out dan merubah apa yang terjadi. Dengan dilakukannya hal tersebut maka ia dapat merubah masa depannya secara drastis. 



And it's inspire me, maybe I made mistakes, but I won't regret it. 

Just because you know the past doesn't mean you can change the future.

6 Mei 2017

our saturday

For some people maybe Saturday is just a day. One of those weekend days which means nothing for them, and so for me, a few months ago. I always start my day with a smile, and new spirit everyday, I believe everyday is the same, I can have a date everyday, I can study, I can messing around with my friend, going everywhere and anywhere, there's no weekend or weekdays everyday is just an ordinary day.
'till I met a boy, And he told me, "let's make every Saturday is ours."and so that's it. My Saturday turn into 'our Saturday'. what are those Saturday means to me? Happiness. All I know 'bout those Saturday is just happiness. I smile just imagining how those every Saturday might be happen. I was so happy till I forgot those happiness always comes within the sadness.
And it's really happening. Those pretty 'our Saturday' finally over. I used know everyday is still the same, but you make my Saturday never feel the same. And I want it more. And I want you more.
I know I have left, but you know I didn't mean to.
If you wondering if I'm happy now?
All I know id I never be as happy as when we had Our Saturday.

27 April 2017

Unless

It's 3 am now
I started to re-questioning everything,
Is love real?
Is it made or grow by time when people just being together?

Why am I keep falling in love in the wrong place?
Why do I keep failing over and over
Is there something wrong with me?
or Is it me who asked to much?

I can't keep him for years.
I love him, very much
but I don't know if he does

and now what?
what if I miss him
what if I love him too much

21 April 2017

"Have you tell him?"
I just answer her question with a fake smile
"Really? Hey, he is your boyfriend, he has to know what you feel. And actually It's not really hard to speak to your own boyfriend? Aren't you tired being like this? For God sake if you feel somethings wrong in your relationship just ask him."
"Well, actually, I already asked him last night."
"And...?"
"It's just me. It's just me who imagining everything, he's fine, totally fine. Well maybe it's just his character, and it's mean that I'm the one who should adapt."
"And so what makes you feel upset right now?"
"Well, he mad at me now... Cause I questioning things that he didn't feel at all, he's mad at me. He said, so there's something wrong in this relationship that makes me feel uncomfortable. He said...."
"And now you feel guilty? You think this is your fault and you shouldn't feel like that on the first time?"
Tears started running down my cheeks. I can't answer her anymore.
"Why you have to feel guilty when you actually do nothing wrong? You really good at speaking in public but why do you always lose when you meet someone close to you? "
"I should understand him better."
"Hey, sometimes, you don't need to look from the other side, you must care about your feeling more than you care about others. You really don't need to be this good to everyone. It's him who didn't try to understand you. You've try so hard. Isn't this his turn?"
"You know I can't be mad, I can't hardly tell him this is his fault."
"Why?"
"Cause It will hurt him, cause he will remember it, the words I use to talk to him it will lingering in his head and I won't it. I know it's really feel bad when someone mad at you, even if you're already make up, there will be something left there, something that already break your heart, even it's not torn it apart."
"If one day someone stole something from you and they told you why, will you understand them?"
"Maybe...."
"Stop being so kind to everyone."
"Not everyone, just people I care about.."
"Hey, just remember, somehow, if you don't put your self for your priorities, How can people will?"

20 Maret 2017

First Fight

"So what do I did wrong?" He asked.
She rolled her eyes "Really? are you really going to ask that kind of question?!" She whisper to her own self, she started to remember what happen with them, she remember how she left a sleep-message  to him just because she didn't want him to be worry if she didn't reply that night, but in the morning when she wake up, she didn't see any message from him, not even one, "It's okay, maybe he's too busy to read my message, I'm sure he gonna explain it when he reply." She wait and wait and she got his message, "Finally!" -Good morning babe, I'm sorry I didn't text you yesterday, I don't even open my phone. "That's it? really?". She remember the night before it's happen he already told her that his going to be busy and maybe he will reply her message late, she try to understand but she can't handle that. And now he ask her what did he do and she really have no words to answer his question. But suddenly her tears falling down through her cheeks... 
"I'm sorry."
"I know I shouldn't be like this, I know I should understand you better. I know... I'm sorry... Maybe I just miss you too much and It's make me mad cause I can't see you.. I'm sorry... I know I should be the one who would be there when you feel so tired, not the one who mad when you're tired. I'm really sorry... "


2 Maret 2017

"Do you still love him?" 

All of my old friend met me me and questioning this question. Well, actually I'm not so confused why do they keep asking me this kind of question. But I keep can't answering the question lately. 'till yesterday. I see him, I see how happy he is now, I see his girl now is the girl who I ain't be, I suddenly know he doesn't need me, I suddenly know I'm not the girl who he wants to be with. And it's wake me up, no more doubt, I still care about him, but I don't want to be with him, I just want him to be happy, and now he does. 

And Now, I have someone I want to be with , the one who can take me as I am, the one who need me, the one I really love and care about. I don't know how I fall in love with this man, but I know I do love him, much, so much, I like the way he treat me, I like the way he calm me down when I got mad, I Like how he say sorry even when he didn't make any mistakes. I love him in every way he did, maybe sometimes I ask for something more, but somehow I know I already have more than anything I ever need.

So if they ask again "Do you still love Him?", I will be proudly and answer "No, I Love Him"