27 April 2017


It's 3 am now
I started to re-questioning everything,
Is love real?
Is it made or grow by time when people just being together?

Why am I keep falling in love in the wrong place?
Why do I keep failing over and over
Is there something wrong with me?
or Is it me who asked to much?

I can't keep him for years.
I love him, very much
but I don't know if he does

and now what?
what if I miss him
what if I love him too much

21 April 2017

"Have you tell him?"
I just answer her question with a fake smile
"Really? Hey, he is your boyfriend, he has to know what you feel. And actually It's not really hard to speak to your own boyfriend? Aren't you tired being like this? For God sake if you feel somethings wrong in your relationship just ask him."
"Well, actually, I already asked him last night."
"It's just me. It's just me who imagining everything, he's fine, totally fine. Well maybe it's just his character, and it's mean that I'm the one who should adapt."
"And so what makes you feel upset right now?"
"Well, he mad at me now... Cause I questioning things that he didn't feel at all, he's mad at me. He said, so there's something wrong in this relationship that makes me feel uncomfortable. He said...."
"And now you feel guilty? You think this is your fault and you shouldn't feel like that on the first time?"
Tears started running down my cheeks. I can't answer her anymore.
"Why you have to feel guilty when you actually do nothing wrong? You really good at speaking in public but why do you always lose when you meet someone close to you? "
"I should understand him better."
"Hey, sometimes, you don't need to look from the other side, you must care about your feeling more than you care about others. You really don't need to be this good to everyone. It's him who didn't try to understand you. You've try so hard. Isn't this his turn?"
"You know I can't be mad, I can't hardly tell him this is his fault."
"Cause It will hurt him, cause he will remember it, the words I use to talk to him it will lingering in his head and I won't it. I know it's really feel bad when someone mad at you, even if you're already make up, there will be something left there, something that already break your heart, even it's not torn it apart."
"If one day someone stole something from you and they told you why, will you understand them?"
"Stop being so kind to everyone."
"Not everyone, just people I care about.."
"Hey, just remember, somehow, if you don't put your self for your priorities, How can people will?"