25 Juni 2016

Final Descision

            She press the plus button on her headphone ‘till reaching the maximum volume, Voltures-John Mayer, suddenly she’s smiling, she remember someone, someone who love this song much. Then she realise this guy hasn’t replying her messages, she opened their chatroom and she’s wondering what is the next topic this guy will choose, cause their chat actually never ending, last time it’s 3 weeks non-stop-chat. But somehow she knows, sooner or later their chat will be end soon. She  take a deep breathe and the smile before is already fade away. “Well, I gotta let go.” She’s whispering to her own self.
 “ I have an exam tomorrow so I need to forget this stupid love shit and focus on studying. ”
She open her book and read all the words there carefully. But, then she stop. Her thought fly trought something. She can feel that her eyes already wet, she take another deep breathe, deep heavy breathe. She’s wondering about a year ago, this guy was nothing to her, just her ex. That’s it. Well, now it’s kinda hard and hurt to explain. If She had to write a book, she’ll write about him, how he come and gone how he being so important and being no one in her live. Yeah, that’s what he done. She know him almost for my whole life time, elementary school, 4th grade, She's too young to falling in love, but She knows She does.
For the very second baby I already know, I’ll end up head over heel in love with you.. Turns out I’m right. kryptonite- Guy Sebastian suddenly played . She close her eyes and think, “is he love me?”. Now she know, how does it feel when brain lossing it’s function because heart started to work. When people said ‘leave’ but heart still ignoring it. He’s coming back a year ago, telling her that she actually never leave his mind, even only with a word, she believe it. She’s seeing something in his words, that’s not a pretty word he choose, but it’s feels like she know that he’s sincere. So they meet a couple times before the distance take them apart, This boy is leaving the hometown due to schoolarship he got. At first, She doesn’t care about distance, but somehoe something suddenly killing her, not the distance, Timing.
The timing is really not for her. She’s close to some-other-man with different character, in fact, the on she love is just this one. because of that damn timing, she took a wrong step and left him, the one she’s really love. But deep down Inside, everynight after that wrong step she’s really regreting her step. “I Should’ve wait longer, I took a wrong step.”
She finally realize, it’s not something about always be with him, but let him be happy with or without her is the goal of falling in love. But he never answer the question about his happiness, he always said that he shouldn’t have to tell her cause she is already know, but she don’t know. And it’s killing her.
So finally she’s walk away. She’s hoping for his happiness. All she know is, if he’s not happy, he’ll come to her, but he need to tell her, that he’s not happy.

7 Juni 2016


December 2015,

Udah sering banget denger kata single, complicated and in a relationship. 
Well, buat kali ini aku tertarik untuk bahas hal dari sisi seorang yang punya relationship status 'SINGLE'. 
Aku, iya aku, udah hampir setahun menyandang status single, It's not a big deal actually. Cuma inget waktu aku ada pacar gimana aku rindu sama rasanya single itu sendiri. Well aku inget terakhir aku pacaran hampir dua tahun.
First 6 month it was so sweet and lovely and everything was pretty
The next six month It still lovely even sometimes we had a big fight and sometimes it's physically hurt me.
The other six month, I feel like, I miss being single, But I don't know what will I be without him. I always be with him, all day, all time. All I know is just me and him. 
and the rest It's hard to explain, Well perhaps this is the real reason why I broke up last time, before, I don't wanna tell anyone except my best friend 'bout this, but I guess I'm ready Now. 
That time, I feel like, I do love him, I'm really proud about my relationship that time. I told my friend that 'Hey guys, I almost had my 2nd year anniversary and it's very nice, I love this relationship.' But things comes to my mind and I was like... I don't know.. I want to feel free... I want to know what would I be without him... Then I was busy, I join an organisation that make me not always with him anymore, I spend more time with my best friend and I was feel like, It better of this way. Then I thought why am I feel happier when I'm with my friend than when I'm with him. and that make me realize, that was the right time to let him go. 

After that time I got my 'single status' till now on. I don't know why But I just feel that 'single status' in the last two weeks. 
In this time what I know is being single wasn't that simple. Especially when you're on your holiday with no trip Just like me this time. I feel that. Lonely. 
Sometimes before I sleep I just think about things that I shouldn't done, feels like I'm regreting something. 
And single make a great oportunity to missing someone. 

When you miss someone, you gotta remember every single pretty shit about that guy, and you gotta regret it.

In my single time, I meet a bunch kind of boy, sweet, freak, arrogant, and even the one who I thought the best for me,

Single is a right situation to think about what kind of man and relationship you really want
Single bring you into the thought about the reason why your previous relationship didn't work out.

It's not a bad thing to being single, but it's not that simple.